Once upon a time, not too long ago, in Spezzano, Sila which is in Calabria, there lived a widow with her son Giacomo. They were dirt poor. Their only asset was a milking cow who had grown old and was not producing any more milk.

The mother said to Giacomo, “Vide si po vendere sa vacca, vide si po piliare nu pare pezze.” This translates as, “See if you can sell this cow, see if you can get a couple of bucks for it.” And so Giacomo sadly lead the cow out for their trip to the market. Giacomo was sad because he had grown attached to the cow and had named it Caterina and considered it a family pet.

On his way to the market Giacomo met a stranger who offered to give him five magic zucchini seeds for the cow. Giacomo thought it would be a good deal but did not want to cheat the stranger by selling him a cow who did not produce milk any more. Giacomo explained to the stranger, “Sa vacca e propiu asciutta un no po fare piu latte.” This translates as, “This cow is absolutely dry, and it does not produce any more milk.” The stranger responded by saying, “Non ti prioccupare, Io vuoliu fare nu barbaque per tutti i mie parenti quano faccimo na festa!” This translates as, “Don’t worry, I want to have a barbeque for all my relatives when we have a feast!” As so they made the exchange with Giacomo not realizing that the stranger meant that Caterina would be barbequed!

When Giacomo returned home he proudly told his mother that he had sold the cow for five magic zucchini seeds. His mother became furious and said, “Ma tu si patsu! A venuta a vacca per cinque simente e cucutse, tu tene na capu e cucutse!” This translates as, “Are you crazy, you sold the cow for five magic zucchini seeds, you are a zucchini head!” Giacomo felt bad that his mother was angry. Giacomo’s mother said, “Stasira no mangiare and vate curche!” This translates as, “Tonight no supper and go to bed!” Giacomo tossed and turned in bed that night and thought about the magic the stranger had talked about. Could those zucchini seeds really have some magic in them?

The night before Giacomo’s mother had thrown the magic zucchini seeds out the window into the back yard. That morning, Giacomo went out to the back yard to use the outhouse. When he got outside, he saw an amazing sight! There was a gigantic zucchini stalk that had grown up into the clouds! There were also giant zucchinis that could feed an army! Giacomo was very pleased and thought of all the zucchini omlettes his mother could make. Plus she could make his favourite dish of “pasta, patate and cucutseli” which means “pasta, potatoes and zucchini.”

Giacomo was very curious about where the giant zucchini stalk would lead him. As he climbed higher and higher up the stalk, lights started to flash and Giacomo got very dizzy. Giacomo was actually going throught the “space/time continuum!” He ended up outside an old English castle which was located in old time England, of course. Giacomo went into the castle and down into the kitchen where he saw an enormous giant sized woman. The woman exclaimed in a big voice, “What are you doing here?” Luckily, Giacomo had studied English at school and was able to respond to the woman. Giacomo said, “I am lost and hungry, can I have something to eat.” The woman was very kind and told Giacomo that he could have some milk and a bowl of porridge. The woman then explained, “But do not let my husband see you because he eats foreigners and is also quite psychic so he will know you are here.”

Giacomo had finished eating and drinking when he heard a loud roar. The Giant was home! The Giant who was a bit drunk after coming home from the pub started to sing. He sang, “Hey now/Hey now/Iko iko un day/ Giacomo feeno ah na nay/Giacomo feena nay/Maybe I’m going a little crazy/ But I smell the blood of a Calabrese!” The Giant’s wife told Giacomo to hide in the oven. The oven had a lead door which the Giant’s psychic powers could not penetrate through and so Giacomo would be safe.

The Giant then roared out, “Do I smell the blood of a Calabrese?” The Giant’s wife responded by saying, “I know you go crazy thinking of eating a Calabrese, but never you mind, just eat your dinner!” The Giant ate his dinner and drank a gallon of wine with it.

The Giant was even more drunk and getting sleepy. The Giant decided to count all the gold coins of his treasure before going to bed. After about the tenth coin, the Giant fell asleep and started snoring with a thunderous sound. The Giant’s wife left to prepare the Giant’s bed. Giacomo rushed out of the oven and took all of the Giant’s treasure. Then it was down the zucchini stalk and back to his home in Calabria.

When he got home, Giacomo found his mother waiting for him. His mother tearfully said, “Figliu mio, a duve si statu?” This translates as, “My son, where have you been?” She went on to explain, “Avivu u pensiru, non sappia dove se statu!” This translates as, “I was worried about you, and I did not know where you had gone to!” Giacomo told his mother the story about the English castle and the Giant and then he showed his mother the gold coins. His mother then excitedly said, “Alura non si fisa figliu mio, a fattu na cosa bona!” This translates as, “So you are not a fool my son, you did a very good thing!”

Giacomo decided to go back up to the English castle through the “space/time contiium” once again. When he got there, he went in through the kitchen and quickly hid in the oven. Soon afterward, the Giant came in and began to pick up Giacomo’s scent since Giacomo had just come into the kitchen. The Giant roared, “Maybe I am going crazy, but I smell the blood of a Calabrese!” The Giant’s wife responded by saying, “Oh stop fantasying and eat your dinner!” The Giant ate his dinner and consumed another gallon of wine. The Giant then placed a hen on the table. The hen started to lay golden eggs! Giacomo saw the hen of great value laying the golden eggs through a crack in the oven door. The Giant was snoring again with castle shaking sounds. Giacomo quickly ran out of the oven and snatched the hen and went on his way out. The hen started squawking and woke up the Giant. The Giant yelled out, “Be quiet woman, I am trying to sleep!”

Once again Giacomo’s mother was waiting for him at the base of the zucchini stalk. His mother said, “Sulamente sta galina a piliatu?” This translates as, “You only got this hen?” She went on to elaborate, “Ma nue gia avianno na galina, non pottia piliare nattra cosa?” This translates as, “But we already have a hen, couldn’t you get something else?” Giacomo happily replied, “Asspeta Ma, te voliu fare videre na cosa.” This translates as, “Just wait Mother; I want to show you something.” Giacomo then set up the hen in the chicken coup. Soon, the hen laid a golden egg. Giacomo’s mother excitedly said, “Stu ovu non e buonu per mangiare ma, e buonu per mintere sordi in tra sachetta!” This translates as, ‘This egg is no good for eating, but it is good for putting money in our pockets!” The hen continued to lay a golden egg each day much to the delight of Giacomo and his mother!

Giacomo decided to go up to the castle once again. He nervously climbed up the zucchini stalk. As Giacomo went higher, his courage grew stronger. He made it to the castle and went in through an open window and into the kitchen. This time, there was bread baking in the oven so Giacomo hid in a large lead pot. Soon the Giant came in. He was drunk again and merrily playing a golden accordion. Giacomo was amazed at the sweet, soothing sounds that came out of the accordion. The Giant was “sawing logs” once again. Giacomo rushed out of the pot and grabbed the golden accordion. The accordion started to shout, “Mr. Giant, wake up and help, somebody is stealing me!” The Giant woke up and proceeded to chase Giacomo.

When Giacomo arrived at the bottom of the zucchini stalk he showed his waiting mother the golden accordion. Giacomo played an Italian song and his mother became so happy that she started to dance the tarantella!” Alas, the Giant was still coming down the zucchini stalk! Giacomo asked his mother to put away the golden accordion and bring him an axe. Giacomo cut the base of the zucchini stalk so that the stalk and the Giant both came tumbling down. There was a loud crash as the Giant hit the ground! It did not look like the Giant would ever wake up from this slumber!

Giacomo played the golden accordion every day for his mother. She was cheerful and happy and in a dancing mood every day. The hen continued to lay a golden egg every day and so they had continuous wealth. Giacomo had put the gold coins into a high interest saving account at the local bank. Giacomo turned out to be a brave and smart young boy after all. The cow for the magic zucchini seeds was a great deal after all. Giacomo’s mother proudly told the neighbours every day, “U figliu miu non e fisa!” This translates as, “My son is no fool!” And so they lived happily ever after! The End.